Please don't let this be the end...

Please let this not be the end, before I’ve even started.

Why do I do this to myself every bloody time?  Why do I let myself build up some hope and excitement at moving forward – WHY?  Every time I get smacked right in the face.

I started bleeding this morning.  As much as I kept telling myself it was just some spotting (which is unusual for me enough) I can’t deny that this is not just a bit of heavy spotting anymore.

I called the clinic this morning and the nurse said that it might just be nothing, to relax (REALLY?  Do these people have any idea what they are saying sometimes?) and to see if it got any heavier.  By 10, it was definitely heavier.  I’m now waiting to hear from them again to see what I am supposed to do now.

I can’t explain how much this hurts.  I know that I am not the first person to have a cycle cancelled, but I honestly thought that this was it.  I can’t believe that I have been so stupid.

I only had to get to Friday.  All the medicines are carefully lined up ready for me to start the injections. 

I suppose I just sit and wait to see what the clinic says...