This week has been tough. Just the everyday stuff has been all too much for me. But my little boy has given me such joy - during all the hard times, I have been able to look at his little gorgeous face and know that my life is brilliant. So this post is my letter to DJ as an eternal thank you for his gift.
Dear DJ,
Eight years ago, when Mummy and Daddy decided we wanted to share our love with a little child, we didn't know it was going to be such a long and painful journey. But neither did we know that you would be such an amazing little boy.
As each month passed and we felt no closer to holding a child in our arms, as we went through more tests to see if we were ever going to realise our dream of becoming a Mummy and Daddy, we talked about what our little boy or girl would be like. What we wished for them. At the time, the dream of the future was how we coped with each disappointment.
On the 19th October 2006, the day we saw your gentle delicate heartbeat for the first time, I have never felt such love bursting from me. Mummy and Daddy knew you were still so fragile, but we knew that we had loved you for the 4 years before and we would love you until the end of time. I know that this sounds cheesy, but it is true. I have never cried tears of joy for so long before. The feeling that this was the start of something very magical still gives me jittery goose-bumps.
The months of my pregnancy were filled with the fears and worries that every Mummy has. As much as I tried to relax, I couldn't believe that this was real. I loved feeling you wiggle around, and panicked whenever you didn't move as much. I loved hearing your heartbeat at each midwife's appointment, but was anxious for the days building up to them in case you were no longer there.
The day you were born was a trauma in itself, but that can be saved for another day, lets just say you arrived in style. But seeing you in your little crib, to be able to hold you, to feel you breathe and squeeze my finger...you were real. Not only was this your birthday, but this was the day we became a Mummy and Daddy.
Everyday since then has been a joy. Of course, I am still filled with anxieties, worries and fears. I still worry that I will wake up and this will be a wonderful dream. However, the fears are not enough to hide the fantastic love and joy that you bring me and Daddy every day. You're funny, loving and beautiful.
We share with you every new experience. We love that you enjoy every day. We love sharing the exploration of your world.
So DJ, this is my letter of thanks. My thanks for making me a Mummy, for making me love every day, for your unending love and fantastic squishy cuddles. Thank you for being YOU!!!
xxxx
Such a beautiful post to your beautiful little boy. :)
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