It's over

So my joy lasted a week.  But in that time I loved and promised to give my everything for the little life or lives inside me.  I guess that wasn't enough.

I remember the tears, disappointment and pain when I had the series of IUIs at the beginning of our treatment journey.  I begged that each time I would get the magical 2nd line on my pregnancy test.  I remember the series of BFN.

Yet now, somehow, I wish that this time had ended the same way.  That I wouldn't have been given the opportunity to know that life was there to love and nurture.

Instead, in a sterile hospital room I had a doctor gently place her hand on my knee and tell me I had lost my babies.  

So that's it - my week of POAS is over, my worries and fears gone.  But I'd give anything to make them come back.