The good news is that both your embryos implanted and were growing...
These were exactly the words I was supposed to be hearing today after being scanned. In fact, they were the words I heard today. BUT, and here's the full kick in my heart, the scan didn't show two flickering heartbeats. I didn't walk away with black and grey grainy pictures of my babies.
Instead, I had a scan to make sure that there was nothing left what shouldn't be there. I had the results of the analysis of the 'pregnancy tissue' (seriously, if they say this to me one more time I will punch them! THEY WERE MY BABIES! NOT TISSUE!!!!!!). I had been pregnant with twins.
Hubby always said that he thought we were having twins. He said he knew there was a boy and a girl. This was the family he saw - DJ being a wonderful big brother to his two new siblings.
How do we move on from this?
I'm going to take a break from Twitter and Facebook for a while. I'll still pop on to catch up on my friends, but I am on such a downer, I know this community doesn't need that.
I'm going to focus on my uni exams in August. I'm going to throw myself into my third year and my dissertation.
I'm going to lose the IVF weight (I've got about 2 stone to lose, so that should be fun, NOT)
After I've finished my degree we will think about the future.
For now I need to learn how to leave the house and see a newborn or a pregnant woman without crumbling into a tears.
How I wish I was still pregnant....
Just so sorry. Sending my love xxx
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your losses.
ReplyDeleteIt's such a painful thing to have to go through.
If you want to talk about it, you are more than welcome to give me a shout. XXX
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sorry those doctors won't acknowledge your beautiful babies for what they were, I'm sorry for everything. Take all the time you need. We'll all still be here for you. (hugs)
ReplyDeleteDon't stay away from your biggest places of support. Don't worry about being a "downer" This community is a source of support precisely for moments like these. Don't be afraid to lean on it!
ReplyDeleteI came over from Genevieve's blog and just had to come over and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Reading this post broke my heart for you because I have been there, exactly where you are now. And I can relate to all the emotions you mentioned. I'll never forget one of the doctors referring to our miscarried baby as "pregnancy tissue" and wanting to rip his eyeballs from his head!
ReplyDeleteAgain, just wanted to express my sympathies for what you're going through. I'm so sorry.