I decided to not open it for a few days because I wanted to enjoy thinking about spending time with my little boy rather than think about what she had to say.
But I opened it last night... I won't share everything, but here goes some of the highlights:
Dear Dawn,
I'm not sure where to start. I haven't contacted you because I am embarrassed about how I told you about the baby. I didn't think. I should have been more sensitive, I'm sorry.
Mark and I weren't planning this baby, though we had talked about it in our future. I know how you feel. I know what it is like to want a baby and someone else is pregnant, though I know I haven't had to inject myself to get pregnant.
I am here for you when you are ready.
Love you
S
xxx
As you can imagine, there are a few mixed feelings about this response:
- I know that her intention was to be sympathetic, but S, you have NO idea what it is like to want a baby and see other people pregnant. Especially when the other people are like you and fall pregnant by 'accident' without any effort. It is more than just the injections, the scans, the hormones... It is the emotional investment, pain and heart break that fertility treatment involves.
- Yes, you should have been more sensitive about how you told me about being pregnant. Grabbing the phone off Mum and saying that you had just been to the hospital with M (then boyfriend) because you had not started your period, and you were pregnant. But the point of your conversation was to moan that Mum hadn't given you the money to pay M to take you to the hospital!!! Firstly, he is working full-time so should pay his own petrol money. Secondly, if he is man enough to make a baby, then he should take responsibility and this involves driving you to the hospital if needs be.
- You really cannot compare your situation with mine. Never try, this is a greater insult than you know.
I am not sure what to do with this now.
Do I just ignore it? Do I ask Mum to tell her thanks for the letter and I will be in touch soon?
I hate my life at the moment. I hate waking up everyday and knowing that I have to live this.
Urgh. These things are so complicated.
ReplyDeleteHere's what I think about this, do with it what you will.
Despite the edits, I think S means well. People who haven't been through this just don't know how to deal with things sometimes. It's obvious she's feeling guilty. As hard as this is, I would suggest empathy in the form of a letter. Start with at least pretending to understand her feelings of guilt, after that, perhaps try to explain to her what is and isn't ok with you. Be frank with her about your feelings, but in a sensitive way. I think she means well, but just doesn't know how to handle. it. I had to write an RPLers owner's manual for my family. It took a while, but finally it worked. Hope you figure things out!