It was a day filled with memories and emotions - 5 years earlier I had been at the same clinic, in the same room waiting for my 1st down reg scan, plus it was the day I should have been celebrating being 16 weeks pregnant with my babies.
My sister had been for her scan on Monday and filled Facebook with the pics of her growing baby. It turns out she is 11 weeks).
Mr H was lovely. He is always so gentle and compassionate. He recognised how much loosing our babies has hurt us, but he was positive and kept talking about the future.
We explained that the future is a little uncertain...we have no money, we have no way of getting any, and we are not sure we ever will.
It seems that my low AMH is not a concern, I just need higher stims (which of course means more money), my egg quality is good, hubby's swimmers are good, and he sees no reason why another cycle would end in the same way as it did this time.
For now we just have to try and save money and mend our hearts to see if we can ever go back to the clinic with a view to starting this whole thing again.
In the meantime, he is referring me to the gynae clinic to monitor my endo. I have to stay on BCPs for a few months and then I'll be scanned again to check how that endometrioma has changed if at all.
I know I should have come out of the appointment more positive. I did. But I can't stop the feeling that the appointment shouldn't have happened. I should have been able to hold onto my babies. I should be at the hospital for a scan to check my babies, not some blood-filled, pain-causing mess inside me.
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