Brief catch up

OK, since my last post I have been running round like some demented woman, and this is the 1st day I have had  chance to get to my PC to write anything!

As I mentioned before, I am trying to get my uni work back on track.  It appears that this is harder than I anticipated.  Where do the hours go in a day?

Anyhow, I've been taking some new pain killers for the pelvic pain recommended by Mr H.  I started to take them with so much hope.  I expected them to take a few days (a week even) to start to have any effect.  I know research shows that positive thinking can have massive implications for medication.  Crikey, even placebos have shown to have effects in drug trials!  So why on Earth am I still in so much pain?  The burning, the throbbing, the general ARGHness of it all is still there.  Maybe it has taken some of it away, maybe?

But the most important thing this week has been the openness between me and DH.  After having a lengthy and open conversation about how we both felt we have both tried to give each other a few minutes at the end of the day to say how we are today.  OK, sometimes, these 'few minutes' turn into a couple of hours, but it has made things a little better.  Well, that was until the other day when I managed to say something that led to a long and tiring argument.  This is what IF does to you, it makes you see things from an isolated perspective, it makes you hurt the people you love and care about.  We did get through it, but if I can offer any advice to you starting on the IF journey - you need to develop the skill to say sorry when you perhaps don't want to, you have to show more compassion for your partner, family and friends, and you have to sometimes give yourself the time to cry, shout and scream.  You are on a rollercoaster of emotions, more than you ever thought possible, it takes time and patience to reach the end.  Some people don't make it to the end - relationships crumble, people decide that the pain of having an empty spare room is less than the pain of trying to turn it into a nursery.  Others take alternative routes, creating their families without invasive fertility treatments (however, I know that adoption is just as painful and emotional).  Whatever path IF takes you, you are a changed person at the other end, often for the better, but as in all things, all good comes with bad.

I don't intend on ending on such a bad note, so I will share with you the message from calendar today.  I have one of those calendars which has an uplifting message or feel-good tip for the day (a wonderful gift from my mother in law).

Today, I have this message:

It may sound odd, but I am grateful for __________________________ (something very common)


So today I will fill the gap with...books.  I love reading.  You can travel to new places, meet new people and learn amazing new things.  I don't get to read as many non-academic books any more, but thankfully I love learning.  What are you grateful for today?