So she's finally arrived...now I want her gone :0(

Warning - this may be TMI for some...especially any male readers!

After 6 months or so of no AF, then for her to arrive this morning was a relief.  However, that was until the dizziness, the pains and the heavy feeling in my legs started.  I had forgotten just how horrid this was!  And though I know that this is a good sign, one that I need to start the next stage of Project Baby #2, I wish it could be a week or two ago, or later.  I have so much to do at uni and at home that I can't afford anytime to be poorly and feel sorry for myself (which is all I actually want to do).

I have been having the tell-tale pains for a few weeks now, and each time I thought it was then.  I have had really sore boobs, and I've been feeling like I am holding back the tears all the time.  I should have known, but since having been put through the torture of the menopause for over 6 months, I seem to have lost all knowledge of who and what I am, what my body is doing and why.  What a pathetic excuse for a woman I am right now!

Well now that I have passed the nasty bits, I want to share with you some good news.  But news which I am hoping people might be able to help me with...

I have decided what to do my dissertation on next year.  I want to start soon though as I want to do it justice, because it is a topic that means a lot to me, and hopefully to you reading this - infertility!  I am always surprised by people's responses to the issue - from complete denial (usually those early in diagnosis or having not been affected themselves), anger, fear, misunderstanding, impatience, the list is endless.  I personally know that I have kept this a secret from everyone apart from my parents and my in-laws.  I am not ashamed, I am not embarrassed, but I just didn't feel strong enough for the questions, the reactions that people may have that didn't understand.  I really admire those on Twitter that share all their experiences with their friends.  I wish I could, but I have always been quite reclusive and this is just too much to share with people that I have purposely isolated myself from more and more as their number of children increases!

I love all everyone who shares my journey through this painful and emotional hell that is TTC and IF on Twitter.  I know that I wouldn't have managed with the last few months without you all.  I wish that I could have found you years before, but then I'm not sure if you were there then?

I want to understand people's reactions, both fertiles and infertiles. I want to be able to help.  I have always done this through knowledge, so this is why I am doing this!  Hopefully I won't disappoint!

Well, back to some uni work (will this ever end?)

xxx