Well, I'm now counting down to the consultation with Nurture next Tuesday - 5 days to go!!!!! I'm getting nervous, I know DH is too. He has been so sweet. I know he is finding this tough - we both are. He seems to feel that he has to be strong in case IVF doesn't work for both me and DJ. I have tried to explain that I don't expect him to be strong for me, but I know deep down that if the cycle doesn't work then I will be a mess. I can't think about a negative result - I just can't! Please don't judge me for this. I know that you might think that I am setting myself up for a big disappointment, for having my heart ripped out, but this is how I am coping with it all.
But I'll admit, I have become a teeny-weeny bit... (pardon?)
Ok, little bit... (keep going)
Err, massively... (?)
OK, OK, don't look at me like that - I AM COMPLETELY OBSESSED!!!!
I have analysed calendars, what the dates would be for down reg, stims, ER, ET and POAS, even the first scan! I have looked when baby would be due... I have compared this to my uni timetable, I have tried to figure out when AF will arrive next. My cycle is all over the place after the Zoladex, but I am still on this path of planning the unknown.
Having just written this down, I realise just how much I might be in need of some proper help to cope with the coming months. I'm an organiser - I like order, certainty and a 'plan'. DH knows that this is how I cope, but when I have written here for the world to see (OK, I know the world at large is not that interested in me, but you know what I mean!), it seems a little OTT. I think after next week I will feel a little more certain.
But, what if they say I need to have a laparoscopy? What if they say something is wrong? Oh my... I don't think I'm coping with this very well right now.
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