Today has been one of those days - I'm not entirely sure what to think of it all to be honest. I'm just tired...exhausted is probably the better word. Not sleeping for the last 6/7 months is now taking it's toll. I can't remember a time when I didn't have these massive suitcases under my eyes that make it look like I've just 10 rounds with some heavy-weight boxer!
I saw my GP today and almost begged him to make me better. To give me something to help me sleep, to give me some energy back, to do something. All he could do was give me a blood test and told me to wait for my consultant's appointment in December. 5 weeks today cannot come soon enough - I have so many questions...I suppose right now all I want is to know whether the torture of going through the menopause during a hot Summer has been worth it. I know deep down it hasn't worked - I have all the signs that the endo is still there, and all I want to do is sit and cry - why? I've let them do anything they wanted to me to get rid of it, I've tried to be a good person, so why does it have to be me?
The GP has suggested that I get a move on with starting our next IVF cycle, I just can't get the money yet. And, I have to think about uni. How can I give up something that has put the whole family under financial strain, something that will give me the chance to have a career that can support my family in return. If anyone has the answer, please share. When I see a girl at uni pregnant, the rush of jealousy and pain is overwhelming.
Well, until Thursday when I find out whether the doctor has some magic cure for helping get through this lack of sleep, I suppose I will have to carry on as I am.
I have realised how much I am grateful for all the people on Twitter - they are strong, inspirational and loving - to a complete stranger. I know that I've not been at my best the last few months, yet they have offered me hope and support just when I've needed it. I just hope that I can give something in return! I promise that I'm normally a bright and cheerful person, but these stupid hormones have changed me into a mardy monster! Thanks to you all x
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