Well another morning and another bad nights sleep. The hot flushes are getting unbearable and though I've had to suffer them through the heat of the Summer for the last 4 1/2 months, knowing that I have another 6+ weeks left is just too much to cope with right now.
For some reason I have been in the worst mood with my hubby. I just feel this anger, but for no reason, so I can't even shout and scream to let it out. I know that this is the Zoladex, but it doesn't make it better. Having a doctor that has no idea how to help is little help to me. Suggesting HRT is one thing, but I desperately need these injections to work. I need to somehow make the endometriosis ease up a bit, and why would I take something that stops the Zoladex doing what it's supposed to do? And if I have another man or young woman tell me they understand what this feels like one more time, I may be in prison for battering them over the head with a blunt instrument!
The only thing that is getting me through the long hot night (well other than a massive fan blasting on me!) is the dreaming of beng able to go to the clinic again, start treatment, finding out I'm pregnant and telling everyone, finding a heartbeat at that first scan, thinking of baby names... God I sound obsessed, and I think I am. It may help when I go back to uni in a few weeks time. Maybe?
I know I have just got to get through the next 10 months at uni and then we can go to the clinic and start the ball rolling to try for baby number 2. I've never dreamed that the treatment won't work...is this positive optimism, or blind naivity? Right now, I don't care and I can't afford to think otherwise.
Well, time to plow on with my new day. I've got my little boy sat with me, and I can't imagine how I'd cope without him. He really is my everything. I have blocked out the pain, the fails and the stress when trying to conceive with him. I think I need to, to cope with this right now. My daydreams are all I have, please don't take them away from me.
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