My first Thankful Thursday and IVF update

Yesterday, last night and this morning saw me sadder than I have been for a while.  I had a massive fall out with hubby which forced us to face feelings that we had been hiding from for a while.  Everything is ok, but I think that the combination of drugs and back pain made me emotional, so when a discussion came up I just couldn't hide anywhere - there was nowhere to run.  Hubby has always been such a strong and supportive partner, and I know that the painful talks through the night have all been sorted.  I just need to hope I can carry on.  My emotions are low and my heart feels like it is breaking (I'm not even close to my 2 week wait yet!)

Anyway, after a short nap I realised that I have been a very poor blogger recently.  Uni exams are round the corner and revision is taking all my time.  But I have decided to write a weekly post - my Thankful Thursday (#thankfulthursday #TT).  I'm not sure if this is already on the circulation of Twitterverse, most likely.  But whatever, this is mine.

So each week I am going to write one thing that makes me grateful.  Since I am mid-cycle it will probably be IF related for a while, but let's see how this pans out.  So here goes for my 1st Thankful Thursday post...

Today, I am thankful for...Gonal-F!  I recently found out I have a poor egg reserve (low AMH) and this obviously filled me with the fears and worries about how well I would respond to the IVF stims this cycle.  Today I had my first monitoring scan and my ovaries are doing wonderfully - I have 12 follies on the right, and another 6 on the left!  That's 18 in total!!!!!

If I hadn't been laying down with wandy doing her business, I may have fallen off the table!

They're growing nicely too - some are already some good sizes.  I'm back to the clinic bright and early on Saturday for a second monitoring scan and bloodwork.  I'm keeping everything crossed that they continue to grow and blossom.

So there we are - Gonal-F you are working some magic in there, and for that I am very thankful.

I'd love to hear your Thankful Thursdays too!

xxxx

It seems age isn't on my side :(

As I mentioned in my last post, I have recently had my AMH test to measure my egg reserve.  For some reason I wasn't particularly worried about this.  After all I had just had surgery and they didn't see anything that overly serious, and I'm only 30!  Maybe I have fallen foul of everyone around me reminding me that I have age on my side.  It wasn't like I had left trying for a baby until after my career...

Well, it seems that my body had an Ace up its sleeve!  Guess what?  I don't have many eggs left, my eggs are ageing faster than me.

I knew the news wasn't great when I called the clinic and they said that I needed to speak to the nurse and she would call me back.  Then when she did, she went all round the houses explaining what the test did, how the levels were grouped etc and then she hit me with "...and you have low fertility".  I felt the burning in my chest and my eyes.  I waited for her to tell me that it was ok, that it was just below 'normal', but she didn't.  She explained that I was in the lower half of the low band.  So that the frick does that mean?

IVF is still going ahead, but our bill has gone up as I will need higher doses of stim meds.  And it is only now I realise just how much these drugs cost.  Would it be cheaper to get a crack habit?

To make matters worse, my tummy is still really sore.  The swelling is going down, but it is still really tender.  I ventured out in the car earlier to take DJ to nursery and I've been really uncomfortable all day since.  I have to get through it because I have to get back to uni on Monday and that is an hours drive each way and sitting through hours of lectures.

I'm staying hopeful...  What option do I have?  I can feel the hormones kicking in.  AF will be here in about a week.  So I warn you, there may be tears for a while.  BUT, as soon as AF has arrived, I'm becoming super focused on this cycle.  SO take that IF!