On Monday evening, I had some great news! I have been selected to present my Summer research project to a conference in April!
I'm thrilled. I know that the competition was tough, and I genuinely didn't think that I had a chance. My tutor told me to submit my abstract as she thought it was a novel project, and would be of interest. I was flattered at this, so to be selected (in the first stage of selection too!) was unbelievable.
I am using this as the well needed boost I need right now. Until the nerves set in in a couple of weeks time when I start to write my presentation, I am just taking this as a great platform to change.
So yesterday, with this newly focused me, I went to my GP and demanded some pain relief for the pains which have been stopping me sleep for weeks. They are getting worse and worse each day, so I decided that since we weren't in a cycle for at least a few months, I shouldn't allow myself to be a martyr to endometriosis! They take a while to start working, but last night I got 4 hours solid sleep. This is amazing for me and I'm hoping that the pains will start to ease over the week.
I also called the consultants secretary. Unfortunately she wasn't at work (though her message said she works Tuesdays and there was no way of leaving a message for her to call me back). This is a pet hate of mine. I called LOTS yesterday to get the same message. If you aren't there, leave a message to say so, or let me leave my details so you can call me back!
I also organised DJs follow consultation from his MRI for 23rd February. Keeping my fingers crossed so hard for that.
Plus, I had a good work day at uni.
All in all, yesterday was a better day, and I'm staying hopeful that today can build on it.
My thought for today: Gratitude opens your heart to happiness... So I am being grateful for the encouragement of my husband, my son and my tutor for their help this Summer, and the conference selection panel for having confidence in my work.
Wednesday 26 January 2011
Tuesday 25 January 2011
I'm just not me...
Well, the last few days have been emotional. I have let everyone down, including myself - especially myself. I have lost focus on who I am, what I am working towards and where I want to be. I didn't want to do a 'how terrible 2010 has been' post, but the reality is that it has left me scarred in ways that I am only now truly realising.
The old saying goes 'if you have your health, then you have everything'. So what happens when you don't have your health? What happens when 'healthiness' walks out of the front door for a very long holiday? Last year my whole family was blighted with illness - my parents, my sister, my hubby, my son. I wasn't spared this ill-fate either, with the pains from endo being the worst that I can remember. Of course, you go on, you face each day and take on the the challenges that face you, but I have to admit, I ran out of energy a long time ago.
I'm in danger of writing a post of 'woe is me', filled with self-pity. That's not my intention, but right now I am feeling very broken. I can't stop the tears. I can't concentrate on the things more precious to me. I feel like I'm not really living.
I love university. I love learning. I always have, and my problems of adolescence (yes, more medical dramas which I might save for another day) stole my chance to go to uni when everyone thought I would go. I'm not sad about that. My course choice now is based on my experiences, my interests and my dreams for the future. I know I would have made the wrong choice at 18. However, since starting back in September, I just haven't been able to focus. The passion was lost in the hot flushes, the scans, the pain and the unending need for a baby. I know that my exams and essays of last term are going to be disappointing. I know that they won't be what I expect of myself. Am I strong enough to face the disappointment in myself? To be honest I'm not sure.
So this week, starting back to uni has been tough. I have decided though to face it head on, and recentre my love and passion. I am starting a 9-5 routine as best I can. I am working my little socks off (well, actually I always wear knee high socks, but you get the picture ;) ). Ill-health may have stolen me for the last 8 months, but I won't let it take this away too.
It's not just uni that has been affected. I've spent less time with my gorgeous hubby and son than they deserve. I feel guilty for not being able to give my hubby another baby. I feel guilty that I can't give my little boy the baby brother or sister he keeps asking for. So instead of sharing the guilt with them, I decided that I should hide away. That way the guilt was my own. In reality all I have done is made it twice as hard to talk to hubby about this because I picture the anger and hatred he has for me is the same as what I have for myself.
DH forced me to face this head-on last night. He told me to stop hiding. He told me he knew what I was doing. He reminded me that the want for a baby is OURS. Our IF is OURS. I love him so very much. After a lot of tears (from us both), I think that we have managed to start this journey together again.
IF is such a b*tch. It takes what is a natural and beautiful wish and turns it into a painful nightmare. Bringing a child into the world is about the sharing of love with another, yet IF manages to make it cold, clinical and traumatic. IF makes you hate yourself, it makes you envious of others, it makes you change. And not all the changes are for the better. But, some are. To survive IF you need to be strong. You need to know you are not alone. You need to have more love, more than can be imagined by others.
So here I am, still broken, still hurting, still filled with guilt and self-hate. But, I am going to make IF wish it hadn't messed with me. I am going to get my degree, I am going to be the best Mummy and wife that I can be. Whether it kills me along the way is another story, but for now I need to at least try.
The old saying goes 'if you have your health, then you have everything'. So what happens when you don't have your health? What happens when 'healthiness' walks out of the front door for a very long holiday? Last year my whole family was blighted with illness - my parents, my sister, my hubby, my son. I wasn't spared this ill-fate either, with the pains from endo being the worst that I can remember. Of course, you go on, you face each day and take on the the challenges that face you, but I have to admit, I ran out of energy a long time ago.
I'm in danger of writing a post of 'woe is me', filled with self-pity. That's not my intention, but right now I am feeling very broken. I can't stop the tears. I can't concentrate on the things more precious to me. I feel like I'm not really living.
I love university. I love learning. I always have, and my problems of adolescence (yes, more medical dramas which I might save for another day) stole my chance to go to uni when everyone thought I would go. I'm not sad about that. My course choice now is based on my experiences, my interests and my dreams for the future. I know I would have made the wrong choice at 18. However, since starting back in September, I just haven't been able to focus. The passion was lost in the hot flushes, the scans, the pain and the unending need for a baby. I know that my exams and essays of last term are going to be disappointing. I know that they won't be what I expect of myself. Am I strong enough to face the disappointment in myself? To be honest I'm not sure.
So this week, starting back to uni has been tough. I have decided though to face it head on, and recentre my love and passion. I am starting a 9-5 routine as best I can. I am working my little socks off (well, actually I always wear knee high socks, but you get the picture ;) ). Ill-health may have stolen me for the last 8 months, but I won't let it take this away too.
It's not just uni that has been affected. I've spent less time with my gorgeous hubby and son than they deserve. I feel guilty for not being able to give my hubby another baby. I feel guilty that I can't give my little boy the baby brother or sister he keeps asking for. So instead of sharing the guilt with them, I decided that I should hide away. That way the guilt was my own. In reality all I have done is made it twice as hard to talk to hubby about this because I picture the anger and hatred he has for me is the same as what I have for myself.
DH forced me to face this head-on last night. He told me to stop hiding. He told me he knew what I was doing. He reminded me that the want for a baby is OURS. Our IF is OURS. I love him so very much. After a lot of tears (from us both), I think that we have managed to start this journey together again.
IF is such a b*tch. It takes what is a natural and beautiful wish and turns it into a painful nightmare. Bringing a child into the world is about the sharing of love with another, yet IF manages to make it cold, clinical and traumatic. IF makes you hate yourself, it makes you envious of others, it makes you change. And not all the changes are for the better. But, some are. To survive IF you need to be strong. You need to know you are not alone. You need to have more love, more than can be imagined by others.
So here I am, still broken, still hurting, still filled with guilt and self-hate. But, I am going to make IF wish it hadn't messed with me. I am going to get my degree, I am going to be the best Mummy and wife that I can be. Whether it kills me along the way is another story, but for now I need to at least try.
Friday 21 January 2011
A break away!
Well today is the first time that I have ventured back to my PC in a week! I needed some time off. Having done uni work for what seemed like an eternity and then having the tough news last week I decided to take some time off and recentre.
I'm sorry if I have missed your news. I have peeked at Twitter on my phone from time to time to make sure that I didn't miss anything. I have talked about you all to my hubby. He is amazed at how wonderful you all are.
The last week has been filled with NOTHING! I've struggled with concentration and anger. I still have anger towards to the hospital, and now my GP surgery as they are messing about with referral letters and stuff. Don't they realise that they are messing with PEOPLE?! I have had instances where I have fallen out with the surgery admin staff before. Their attitude is so cold, I am sure that they are in the wrong place. The only reason I stay is because I can't register anywhere else. I suppose that this makes them think that they can treat you in any way they see fit.
Little DJ goes for his general anaesthetic and MRI tomorrow. I am pleased that it has come around again. I just want the results now. He is still struggling to walk downstairs as he says it makes him dizzy. I suppose if you can't focus on the next step then I'd be scared of the stairs too.
I'm having trouble sleeping, so have a list of posts to come... For now though, I need to deal with some banking before I completely run out of money!
Love you
xxx
I'm sorry if I have missed your news. I have peeked at Twitter on my phone from time to time to make sure that I didn't miss anything. I have talked about you all to my hubby. He is amazed at how wonderful you all are.
The last week has been filled with NOTHING! I've struggled with concentration and anger. I still have anger towards to the hospital, and now my GP surgery as they are messing about with referral letters and stuff. Don't they realise that they are messing with PEOPLE?! I have had instances where I have fallen out with the surgery admin staff before. Their attitude is so cold, I am sure that they are in the wrong place. The only reason I stay is because I can't register anywhere else. I suppose that this makes them think that they can treat you in any way they see fit.
Little DJ goes for his general anaesthetic and MRI tomorrow. I am pleased that it has come around again. I just want the results now. He is still struggling to walk downstairs as he says it makes him dizzy. I suppose if you can't focus on the next step then I'd be scared of the stairs too.
I'm having trouble sleeping, so have a list of posts to come... For now though, I need to deal with some banking before I completely run out of money!
Love you
xxx
Thursday 13 January 2011
Dreams shattered - please don't say I told you so...
Well, after a couple of days dwelling on it, I think that I can share what happened at the beginning of this week.
Monday was LOs MRI. We had been told he would need a general anaesthetic, but when we arrived they said that as he was under 4 they would sedate him instead. Now I probably should say that my little boy is BIG. He was born big, and has always been bigger than average. He's already in age 4-6 years clothes!
Rather than basing the cut off for sedation over general anaesthetic on weight, they do it by age, so they went ahead with the sedation. The first medicine didn't work, but made LO act just like a very drunk teenager! He is definitely going to be the life and soul of the party when he does discover alcohol!!!! As funny as it was, it is hard to see your LO look quite so out of control. The only saving grace was that he seemed happy. As it didn't make him sleepy they gave him a second dose of sedation. This apparently would knock him out for hours. Only one child before had managed to stay awake after having both, and they were optimistic. HOWEVER, it turned out my LO was going to be the second!!! After nearly 2 hours they called it time, and we went back to the ward. Then we had to wait to see if they would allow him home. Because he'd had such a lot of medication, and he hadn't even started to sleep it off, they were unsure whether he could come home. They only agreed to let him out as we explained we were staying in a hotel only 5 minutes down the road.
Well, he did fall asleep eventually, and when he woke up he kept referring to the day in hospital as a dream. Poor little love even had the next day memory loss after a good night out on the booze! I have to admit, I didn't get any sleep that night. Laying there watching his breathing (as this was what they were worried about) and making sure that he was ok. Seeing your LO lay there with no movement is horrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
To make matters worse, AF decided to show up in the middle of the night. Even if I had managed to relax and not stare at my little boy all night, I wouldn't have managed to get any rest from the pain.
The following morning, we dropped LO off with his Nanna. We decided that taking him to see the clinic was not the best idea. He was still a little wobbly on his feet and he would have asked a lot of questions. Plus, I don't think that it's fair for us to take him to the clinic. It can be a smack in the teeth for other couples there.
Off we went to the clinic, we stopped and had a hot chocolate and cake before we went. The pain was showing in my face and the way I moved, but I told DH to not tell the clinic. I wanted to know that I could start on this journey. We walked in (I suppose I more staggered in to be honest) and we waited to see Mr H. We entered with the hopes and anxieties that this was the start of a great journey together!
As I sat down, Mr H picked up straight away I was in a lot of pain. Without many questions he arranged for me to have a scan (great as AF had decided to show that morning as heavy as ever). I knew then he had concerns, I knew that this was not the way I had envisaged this meeting going. After the scan there was no talk of dates of starting treatment, no talk of what meds would be best, nothing about our plans for another baby. Instead, Mr H has referred me for surgery. I'm not sure what he said, the voices happened around me. I was there but not. All I could hear was that my previous consultant had given me the wrong treatment, that they should have at least scanned me, why didn't they look inside me?
I could feel the tears burn my eyes and warm my cheeks. This wasn't supposed to happen! My previous consultant should have admitted he didn't know what he was doing, but instead he has potentially done damage to my chances of having a baby!
All I could do on the drive home was shout and cry. Why?
Right now, I'm a little numb. I'm waiting for a date for surgery. Hopefully I'll speak to Mr H again (as he will be my surgeon) and he can explain what is happening, but until then, I'm not sure how I can cope. I had so much pinned on the consultation. I had hopes, plans and dreams... Just gone.
I know that you might think that this is silly. Mr H is a wonderful doctor. He told DH that anything he does will be to help achieve another pregnancy. I know that this is not a forever situation, just a delay to my plans. BUT, the pain this month with AF has been so awful. I have spent the last 2 days in bed unable to move. I just wanted to know that something was happening. I have been waiting to start on the way, and waiting a little longer is more than I can take at the moment.
Sorry if you think that I am being pathetic, I feel it, but right now my heart is so damaged...
Monday was LOs MRI. We had been told he would need a general anaesthetic, but when we arrived they said that as he was under 4 they would sedate him instead. Now I probably should say that my little boy is BIG. He was born big, and has always been bigger than average. He's already in age 4-6 years clothes!
Rather than basing the cut off for sedation over general anaesthetic on weight, they do it by age, so they went ahead with the sedation. The first medicine didn't work, but made LO act just like a very drunk teenager! He is definitely going to be the life and soul of the party when he does discover alcohol!!!! As funny as it was, it is hard to see your LO look quite so out of control. The only saving grace was that he seemed happy. As it didn't make him sleepy they gave him a second dose of sedation. This apparently would knock him out for hours. Only one child before had managed to stay awake after having both, and they were optimistic. HOWEVER, it turned out my LO was going to be the second!!! After nearly 2 hours they called it time, and we went back to the ward. Then we had to wait to see if they would allow him home. Because he'd had such a lot of medication, and he hadn't even started to sleep it off, they were unsure whether he could come home. They only agreed to let him out as we explained we were staying in a hotel only 5 minutes down the road.
Well, he did fall asleep eventually, and when he woke up he kept referring to the day in hospital as a dream. Poor little love even had the next day memory loss after a good night out on the booze! I have to admit, I didn't get any sleep that night. Laying there watching his breathing (as this was what they were worried about) and making sure that he was ok. Seeing your LO lay there with no movement is horrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
To make matters worse, AF decided to show up in the middle of the night. Even if I had managed to relax and not stare at my little boy all night, I wouldn't have managed to get any rest from the pain.
The following morning, we dropped LO off with his Nanna. We decided that taking him to see the clinic was not the best idea. He was still a little wobbly on his feet and he would have asked a lot of questions. Plus, I don't think that it's fair for us to take him to the clinic. It can be a smack in the teeth for other couples there.
Off we went to the clinic, we stopped and had a hot chocolate and cake before we went. The pain was showing in my face and the way I moved, but I told DH to not tell the clinic. I wanted to know that I could start on this journey. We walked in (I suppose I more staggered in to be honest) and we waited to see Mr H. We entered with the hopes and anxieties that this was the start of a great journey together!
As I sat down, Mr H picked up straight away I was in a lot of pain. Without many questions he arranged for me to have a scan (great as AF had decided to show that morning as heavy as ever). I knew then he had concerns, I knew that this was not the way I had envisaged this meeting going. After the scan there was no talk of dates of starting treatment, no talk of what meds would be best, nothing about our plans for another baby. Instead, Mr H has referred me for surgery. I'm not sure what he said, the voices happened around me. I was there but not. All I could hear was that my previous consultant had given me the wrong treatment, that they should have at least scanned me, why didn't they look inside me?
I could feel the tears burn my eyes and warm my cheeks. This wasn't supposed to happen! My previous consultant should have admitted he didn't know what he was doing, but instead he has potentially done damage to my chances of having a baby!
All I could do on the drive home was shout and cry. Why?
Right now, I'm a little numb. I'm waiting for a date for surgery. Hopefully I'll speak to Mr H again (as he will be my surgeon) and he can explain what is happening, but until then, I'm not sure how I can cope. I had so much pinned on the consultation. I had hopes, plans and dreams... Just gone.
I know that you might think that this is silly. Mr H is a wonderful doctor. He told DH that anything he does will be to help achieve another pregnancy. I know that this is not a forever situation, just a delay to my plans. BUT, the pain this month with AF has been so awful. I have spent the last 2 days in bed unable to move. I just wanted to know that something was happening. I have been waiting to start on the way, and waiting a little longer is more than I can take at the moment.
Sorry if you think that I am being pathetic, I feel it, but right now my heart is so damaged...
Thursday 6 January 2011
I think I need some help - REAL help!
Well, I'm now counting down to the consultation with Nurture next Tuesday - 5 days to go!!!!! I'm getting nervous, I know DH is too. He has been so sweet. I know he is finding this tough - we both are. He seems to feel that he has to be strong in case IVF doesn't work for both me and DJ. I have tried to explain that I don't expect him to be strong for me, but I know deep down that if the cycle doesn't work then I will be a mess. I can't think about a negative result - I just can't! Please don't judge me for this. I know that you might think that I am setting myself up for a big disappointment, for having my heart ripped out, but this is how I am coping with it all.
But I'll admit, I have become a teeny-weeny bit... (pardon?)
Ok, little bit... (keep going)
Err, massively... (?)
OK, OK, don't look at me like that - I AM COMPLETELY OBSESSED!!!!
I have analysed calendars, what the dates would be for down reg, stims, ER, ET and POAS, even the first scan! I have looked when baby would be due... I have compared this to my uni timetable, I have tried to figure out when AF will arrive next. My cycle is all over the place after the Zoladex, but I am still on this path of planning the unknown.
Having just written this down, I realise just how much I might be in need of some proper help to cope with the coming months. I'm an organiser - I like order, certainty and a 'plan'. DH knows that this is how I cope, but when I have written here for the world to see (OK, I know the world at large is not that interested in me, but you know what I mean!), it seems a little OTT. I think after next week I will feel a little more certain.
But, what if they say I need to have a laparoscopy? What if they say something is wrong? Oh my... I don't think I'm coping with this very well right now.
But I'll admit, I have become a teeny-weeny bit... (pardon?)
Ok, little bit... (keep going)
Err, massively... (?)
OK, OK, don't look at me like that - I AM COMPLETELY OBSESSED!!!!
I have analysed calendars, what the dates would be for down reg, stims, ER, ET and POAS, even the first scan! I have looked when baby would be due... I have compared this to my uni timetable, I have tried to figure out when AF will arrive next. My cycle is all over the place after the Zoladex, but I am still on this path of planning the unknown.
Having just written this down, I realise just how much I might be in need of some proper help to cope with the coming months. I'm an organiser - I like order, certainty and a 'plan'. DH knows that this is how I cope, but when I have written here for the world to see (OK, I know the world at large is not that interested in me, but you know what I mean!), it seems a little OTT. I think after next week I will feel a little more certain.
But, what if they say I need to have a laparoscopy? What if they say something is wrong? Oh my... I don't think I'm coping with this very well right now.
Sunday 2 January 2011
Happy New Year!
I have thought about whether to do a look back at 2010 - many things have not been fantastic...well, they've actually been pretty rubbish, but there have been some bits which I can look back on and smile about. Every year my mother-in-law buys us a cute calendar made up of photos of DJ and his family. I keep this as a memory book for his days and adventures, so yesterday arrived and it came time to swap the calendars over. I love our new calendar but taking a peek through the little scribbles in the boxes of the days of the last 12 months is always great too. Unfortunately, the last few weeks have been tainted by DJ being poorly. I'm starting to get worried about him, but the months before had been good in so many ways. I've decided to share some of the highlights of 2010 (don't worry they're not all DJ focused I promised):
JANUARY - A very busy month filled with birthdays, starting with my Mum, then hubby and MIL (who share the same birthday), then FIL a week later. Mixed in is Mum and Dad's wedding anniversary and a couple of friends birthdays too! Just after Christmas, not what the bank account needs! 2010 was even more expensive though - my Mum turned 50 and then my MIL turned 60 the week later. Mum decided that she was not celebrating any differently to any other year, and in respect of this I didn't buy a massive card with 50 emblazoned all over it - but my sister did (hahaha!). However, for my MIL's birthday, FIL had asked me to arrange for her to have tea at the Ritz and invited us along as it was also hubby's birthday. MIL had always wanted to have the whole experience, and so I booked a table for 4 and a special birthday cake to be delivered to the table. It wasn't cheap mind you, but it was the most wonderful experience. We all went down on the train and put on our glad-rags. DJ stayed with my Mum and Dad so he had a great day too! It was lovely, and I will remember it for a long time to come.
FEBRUARY - The dullest month ever!
MARCH - March was filled with university stuff! So filled with stress!
APRIL - The definite highlight was my little brother's wedding day. He was so happy and I was so very proud of him all day. Though in early April, the weather was beautiful, in fact hot. DJ was page boy, though he suddenly became very shy and would only walk down the aisle with his sunglasses on. My sister was a bridesmaid, so he walked behind the bride looking like he should be in Reservoir Dogs! I did feel bad, but both my brother and his new wife did see the funny side. Knowing what I know now about my SIL I have no guilt, DJ could steal her thunder as she made her way to the altar!
MAY - The month started badly with me being rushed to hospital and having to stay for in for a week. But it always ends well - my little boy turned 3! I am slightly emotional to think that my little boy has grown up but he is such a blessing and I am so very proud of him.
JANUARY - A very busy month filled with birthdays, starting with my Mum, then hubby and MIL (who share the same birthday), then FIL a week later. Mixed in is Mum and Dad's wedding anniversary and a couple of friends birthdays too! Just after Christmas, not what the bank account needs! 2010 was even more expensive though - my Mum turned 50 and then my MIL turned 60 the week later. Mum decided that she was not celebrating any differently to any other year, and in respect of this I didn't buy a massive card with 50 emblazoned all over it - but my sister did (hahaha!). However, for my MIL's birthday, FIL had asked me to arrange for her to have tea at the Ritz and invited us along as it was also hubby's birthday. MIL had always wanted to have the whole experience, and so I booked a table for 4 and a special birthday cake to be delivered to the table. It wasn't cheap mind you, but it was the most wonderful experience. We all went down on the train and put on our glad-rags. DJ stayed with my Mum and Dad so he had a great day too! It was lovely, and I will remember it for a long time to come.
Probably the most expensive birthday cake in the World - but it did taste devine!
The after-math
FEBRUARY - The dullest month ever!
MARCH - March was filled with university stuff! So filled with stress!
APRIL - The definite highlight was my little brother's wedding day. He was so happy and I was so very proud of him all day. Though in early April, the weather was beautiful, in fact hot. DJ was page boy, though he suddenly became very shy and would only walk down the aisle with his sunglasses on. My sister was a bridesmaid, so he walked behind the bride looking like he should be in Reservoir Dogs! I did feel bad, but both my brother and his new wife did see the funny side. Knowing what I know now about my SIL I have no guilt, DJ could steal her thunder as she made her way to the altar!
With sunglasses still on, chasing confetti. Unfortunately, there are few pics of him actually smiling!
MAY - The month started badly with me being rushed to hospital and having to stay for in for a week. But it always ends well - my little boy turned 3! I am slightly emotional to think that my little boy has grown up but he is such a blessing and I am so very proud of him.
Two birthday cakes made by my own fair hand - one for home, the other for nursery. I was quite proud of my efforts though I was up until about 2am decorating the pirate ship!
JUNE - We went away to celebrate the end of my 1st year exams and DJ's birthday. We were only away for a couple of days but it was great to escape for a while!
DJs pic from the SeaLife Centre. It was a great day - highly recommended!
JULY - DJ enjoyed the Summer with his Great Aunt. It was the first time he met her as she lives in Australia, but they got on amazingly from the second they met. I know hubby was so pleased.
AUGUST - The heat was too much for me, so we had a few days playing in the garden in the paddling pool!
SEPTEMBER - Back to university! Back to stress! Also, our 7th wedding anniversary.
OCTOBER - Dulllllll!
NOVEMBER - My 30th! I was thoroughly spoilt the whole day! But the least said about it, the better for me. The realisation that I was getting old was a little too much for me on the day :(
DECEMBER - Christmas! This year was one of the best Christmas' I can remember. I was surrounded by my family and the people that I love the most in the World. DJ woke up and had the best day. The best bit though was at bedtime when I asked DJ if he had had a good day and he replied: "Yes, because I saw all my family".
Our trip on Santa's Express!
Sorry that this has been a long post. I've found it great to think about the nice things of 2010. As you can see, there haven't been that many. The post of the cack that 2010 has delivered would be twice as long, but in the hope of starting 2011 positively, this will be great for now.
See you soon and have an amazing 2011!!!!
xxx
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